The new “James Bond” may be a wuss.

I was schlepping around on the internet this afternoon when a headline on the Drudge Report caught my eye:

New Bond: I hate guns…

Surely, Ian Fleming is rolling in his grave. Bad enough that this clown, Daniel Craig, has blond hair. Bond is supposed to be a heavy-drinking, chain-smoking, mildly cruel, womanizing badass like Sean Connery, not a whining, fair-haired, panty-waisted ninny who spouts drivel about how “scary” guns and bullets are.

I know, I know: Daniel Craig isn’t really James Bond, he’s just an actor playing a fictional character. Well, hopefully he can pull off not acting like a wuss. He could also use a last name.

Even more disturbing is this quote from Roger Moore, who acted in more of the crappy Bond flicks than anyone: “Today I am completely opposed to small arms and what they can do to children. I played every role tongue-in-cheek because I don’t really believe in that sort of hero. I don’t like guns.” Let’s break this down:

  • “Today I am completely opposed to small arms and what they can do to children.”

First, which children are we talking about? Second, nobody likes “what they can do to children.” But everybody likes what guns can do to thieves, rapists, murderers, terrorists and pumpkins.

  • “I played every role tongue-in-cheek because I don’t really believe in that sort of hero.”

Is that what it was? I used to think that Roger actually played every role tongue-in-cheek because he didn’t really believe in a golden-gunned, triple-nippled supervillain with a Solex Agitator; or an underwater city housing the progenitors of a race of superhumans; or a space-based city housing the progenitors of a race of superhumans; or a seven-foot henchman with metallic teeth who can chew through steel bridge cables and survive a fall from a plane without a parachute; or twin KGB assassins who double as knife-throwers in a circus; or an octopus cult made up of hot female superspies—the leader of which of course falls for Bond, the man who made her father kill himself; or a secretary who will give away her boss’s secrets and take a bullet for Bond within sixty seconds of meeting him; or a hot Russian female spy whose code name just happens to be a pornographic movie rating; or the whole concept of a seemingly ageless superspywho can drive, fly, operate, defuse, break, fix, shoot, stab, beat up or have sex with absolutely anyone or anything he wants without consequence… but I was mistaken! I guess if they’d just written Bond’s Walther PPK out of the scripts, then Roger would have played it straight.

  • “I don’t like guns.”

We should have known; Roger’s hair was the wrong color, too.

[Dear Bond-philes: What somewhat unlikely events/people from the Moore movies did I leave out?]

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 25th, 2005 at 5:59 PM.

6 Responses to “The new “James Bond” may be a wuss.”

  1. aabrock Says:
    October 25th, 2005 at 6:45 PM

I read that article too and was also surprised that Moore intentionally played Bond as “tongue-in-cheek”…I always thought it was the direction that the producers wanted to take theseries, I mean how else can you explain the increasingly cringe-worthy puns and heroine names that have gone on since he left? I hope we are not gearing up to be disappointed in Casino Royale.

Regardless, I still like the guy because of:
1) his extreme niceness in real life
2) his relative lack of ham-iness in For Your Eyes Only
3) http://darrellreimer.com/?p=101

Speaking of the new Bond, he is kinda short and blond but he can play it serious…Layer Cake was a pretty good movie.

  1. Vincent Viscariello Says:
    October 25th, 2005 at 6:54 PM

Don’t get me wrong, I do like Roger Moore (and he was good in Live and Let Die, also). But what he said created a disturbance I haven’t felt since… well, it just aggravated me, that’s all. It seems to me that an actor who opposes guns shouldn’t star as a hero who relies on them to save the world.

  1. aabrock Says:
    October 25th, 2005 at 8:15 PM

Well while we are here, let me see if this will stire things up:
http://www.cinematical.com/2005/10/24/cinematical-seven-the-best-bond-movies/

Now I am not saying that I agree with everything on here (replace Goldfinger with FRWL) but at least someone else appreciated Timothy Dalton and plots that don’t place earth/silicon valley/instanbul on the edge destruction. And enough with the nuclear weapons; what did master spies ever do before the atom bomb?

  1. scrappy Says:
    October 26th, 2005 at 7:02 PM

I have always had the dream of blasting a pumpkin into bits with a shotgun.

  1. jmanpc Says:
    October 26th, 2005 at 7:54 PM

ive always had the dream of blasting crappy james bonds with a shotgun.

  1. domthebomb Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 6:47 PM

Roger Moore is my favorite Bond. And Live and Let Die is my favorite Bond movie (so far). Moore was cool, Sean Connery was just skanky.

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