“Don’t insult my intelligence, Kirk.”

Royal Caribbean International just commissioned a cruise liner weighing 220,000 gross registered tons, with a maximum capacity of 6,400 passengers, at a cost of $1.24 billion. That’ll make her the largest, most expensive cruise liner ever… and just to make sure that nothing good can possibly come of it, the ship’s code name is “Project Genesis.”

Is it possible to more thoroughly condemn this ship and her poor passengers to a disastrous, watery doom?

Of course it is. My suggestions:

• They should hide several tons of munitions–secretly intended for the British–on board.

• The munitions should be placed next to five tons of powder charges and a faulty boiler.

• The rest of the ship should be filled with huge tanks of hydrogen gas.

• They should seal the hull’s exterior with environmentally-friendly foam.

• They should ignore the warnings of any crazed, disgruntled engineers.

• They should ignore the warnings of any oracles, psychics, or palm-readers.

• They should get rid of half the lifeboats.

• They should show “Our American Cousin” every night.

• The passenger list should be composed of princesses, contest-winning schoolteachers, cute old couples, young idealists and Ted McGinley.

• Every crewman must wear a red shirt.

• At the first event on the ship’s social calendar, everyone must fall in love.

• No pets should be allowed on board unless they are the last specimens of endangered species.

• For her maiden voyage, “Project Genesis” should depart Roanoke Island on Friday, October 13th, pass through the Bermuda triangle, go around Cape Horn, and arrive at Skull Island on December 7th.

• Captain Amelia Cook-Hudson must brag to First Officer Gilligan Holloway-Valdez that the ship is unsinkable, laughingly adding, “What could possibly go wrong?”

This entry was posted on Monday, February 6th, 2006 at 9:05 PM.

3 Responses to “Don’t insult my intelligence, Kirk.”

  1. aabrock Says:
    February 6th, 2006 at 11:11 PM

You’re just upset because you KNOW your prediction of doom will come to pass, leading to an award-winning movie detailing the drama for millions of people which will change the response to the phrase “Project Genesis” from “Genesis, what’s that?” to “They were young and in love! Damn thee, cruel fate!”

I actually saw this article earlier today and knew it would get a reaction from you as surely as if they had named it “Project Ditka” or “Project Super Mario”.

  1. The Questioner Says:
    February 12th, 2006 at 9:32 AM

Another optional stop off could be to visit ports around Africa in hopes of seeing a real live pirate.

  1. Vincent Viscariello Says:
    February 12th, 2006 at 6:24 PM

Perhaps… and we could throw in a trip into the Congo to visit Kurtz.

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