Questionnaire 4.

My responses to selected questions from an online questionnaire:

1. GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST TO YOU, TURN TO PAGE 18, AND FIND LINE 4. “One more reason I like the Universe-as-mathematical-object”

2. STRETCH YOUR LEFT ARM OUT AS FAR AS YOU CAN. WHAT CAN YOU TOUCH? Eleven books. Two remote controls. My phone. A pencil. An empty glass. My chair. A small table. This computer.

3. BEFORE YOU STARTED THIS SURVEY, WHAT WERE YOU DOING? Eating.

4. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU WATCHED ON TV? The Cleveland-Chicago game.

5. WITHOUT LOOKING, GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS. Nine PM.

6. NOW LOOK AT THE CLOCK. WHAT IS THE ACTUAL TIME? 8:56 PM.

7. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE COMPUTER, WHAT CAN YOU HEAR? The television. The air conditioner.

8. WHEN DID YOU LAST STEP OUTSIDE? WHAT WERE YOU DOING? A few hours ago. I went to the store and bought milk and cooking wine.

9. DID YOU DREAM LAST NIGHT? Yes, but I don’t remember about what.

10. DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR DREAMS? Yes.

11. WHEN DID YOU LAST LAUGH? Earlier today.

12. DO YOU REMEMBER WHY OR AT WHAT? That I do.

13. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS OF THE ROOM YOU ARE IN? Paint.

14. SEEN ANYTHING WEIRD LATELY? What’s weird?

15. WHAT IS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW? Serenity. Great movie.

16. IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD YOU LIVE? Camp David.

17. IF YOU BECAME A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE OVERNIGHT, WHAT WOULD YOU BUY? All kinds of fun stuff. First thing I’d do is buy a financial advisor.

18. WHAT IS SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT MOST PEOPLE DON’T KNOW? My name. I’m pretty certain most people on this planet have not yet heard of me.

19. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT THE WORLD, REGARDLESS OF GUILT OR POLITICS, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? The Sun would rise in the west.

20. DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE? No.

21. WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER LIVING ABROAD? Yes.

22. DOES YOUR NAME MAKE ANY INTERESTING ANAGRAMS? As a matter of fact, yes. “Vincent Dominic Viscariello” becomes “Vivid, critical insomnolence.”

23. WHO MADE THE LAST INCOMING CALL ON YOUR PHONE? Mom.

24. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU DOWNLOADED ONTO YOUR COMPUTER? A review guide for American history.

25. WHEN WAS LAST TIME YOU SWAM IN A POOL? No idea.

26. TYPE OF MUSIC YOU LIKE MOST? Soundtracks, because I think of the movie as I hear the music.

27. TYPE OF MUSIC YOU DISLIKE MOST? Country and western.

28. ARE YOU LISTENING TO MUSIC RIGHT NOW? No.

29. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BEDROOM CARPET? Tan.

30. IF YOU COULD CHANGE SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR HOME, WITHOUT WORRY ABOUT EXPENSE OR MESS, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? I would fix the bathtub faucet because when I switch it to shower mode, water still comes out of the faucet.

31. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? Milk and cooking wine.

32. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN ON A MOTORBIKE? No.

33. WOULD YOU GO BUNGEE JUMPING OR SKY DIVING? No.

34. DO YOU HAVE A GARDEN? No.

35. DO YOU REALLY KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO YOUR NATIONAL ANTHEM? I know all the words to the first stanza of my national anthem, but I also know there are three other stanzas that I don’t know that well.

36. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? That I should have gone to bed earlier the night before.

37. IF YOU COULD EAT LUNCH WITH ONE FAMOUS PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE? President Obama.

38. WHO SENT THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED? “Okay.”

39. AT WHICH STORE WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO MAX OUT YOUR CREDIT CARD? I can’t think of any store at which I would want to spend that much money.

40. WHAT TIME IS BEDTIME? Midnight.

41. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A BEAUTY PAGEANT? No.

42. HOW MANY TATTOOS DO YOU HAVE? None.

43. IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY, HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF GETTING ONE? Yes. Specifically I’ve thought about how silly it would be of me to get one.

44. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? Went to work, ate pizza, ate cake.

45. DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD? No.

46. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU ATE DINNER WITH? My family on Easter Sunday.

47. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? The aforementioned glass on the table is half-empty, and the other half is empty, too.

48. WHAT’S THE FARTHEST-AWAY PLACE YOU’VE BEEN TO? Phoenix, Arizona.

49. WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU ATE A HOMEGROWN TOMATO? No ideer.

50. HAVE YOU EVER WON A TROPHY? Yes.

51. ARE YOU A GOOD COOK? Good enough. In fact, I absolutely nailed the sweet-and-sour chicken tonight. I need to start working on a new dish.

52. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PUMP YOUR OWN GAS? Um… yes.

53. IF YOU COULD MEET ANY ONE PERSON (FROM HISTORY OR CURRENTLY ALIVE), WHO WOULD IT BE? Woodrow Wilson. Suffice it to say, it wouldn’t end well.

54. HAVE YOU EVER HAD TO WEAR A UNIFORM TO SCHOOL? Not that I can remember.

55. DO YOU TOUCH-TYPE? On occasion.

56. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? Nothing.

57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? Yes.

58. THINK FAST, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW? Red velvet cake with white frosting. I think it’s because a coworker of mine announced she was making something with red velvet cake today.

59. WHERE WERE YOU ON VALENTINE’S DAY? Jacksonville.

60. WHAT TIME DO YOU GET UP? 6:29 AM on weekdays.

61. WHAT WAS THE NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET? I can’t say they were strictly “mine,” but the pets my family owned when I was born were: Devil, a Siberian husky, and five seal-point Siamese cats named Waglio, Phoebe, Roscoe, Belinda, and Baby.

62. WHO WAS THE SECOND-TO-LAST PERSON TO CALL YOU? My buddy Chip.

63. IS THERE ANYTHING GOING ON THIS WEEKEND? Rain. Thunder. Tornado warnings.

64. HOW ARE YOU FEELING RIGHT NOW? Pretty darn good.

65. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE MOST? Food and sleep.

66. IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, HOW LONG WOULD YOU WAIT TO TELL PEOPLE? Until it was too late.

67. WHO WOULD YOU TELL FIRST? My dad, I suppose.

68. WHAT IS THE LAST MOVIE THAT YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA? Up in the Air, which featured one of the truly great villainous performances of all time. Rent it.

69. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? Yup.

70. WHAT DO YOU DO MOST WHEN YOU ARE BORED? Meditate.

71. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? I teach high schoolers.

72. DO YOU LOVE YOUR JOB? Why? What did my job say? I mean, it’s no big deal what my job said, I just want to know, that’s all. No reason.

73. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO DO OR BE? I think I’ve answered this one before… Ah yes, I have. Astronaut-ninja-ship’s captain-samurai-president-professional athlete-spy-bookstore owner.

74. WHICH CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG? Eggs existed long before chickens did. There were dinosaur eggs, fish eggs, chocolate eggs… Did you mean, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg in which a chicken would gestate?”

75. HOW MANY KEYS ARE ON YOUR KEY RING? On my home key ring I have five keys. On my work key ring I have four keys.

76. WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE TO? A mansion.

77. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? 2003 Toyota Corolla.

78. WHAT ARE YOUR BEST PHYSICAL FEATURES? My molars.

79. WHAT ARE YOUR BEST CHARACTERISTICS? My strength, constitution, dexterity, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma.

80. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? Milan, to watch Milan play Inter in a derby match.

81. WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ? Good ones written in English.

82. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TIME OF DAY? Early evening.

83. WHERE DID YOU GROW UP? Jacksonville, Florida.

84. HOW FAR AWAY FROM YOUR BIRTHPLACE DO YOU LIVE NOW? According to Google Maps, I live 1,186 miles away from my birthplace. That’s a driving distance. Walking would add a mile.

85. WHAT ARE YOU READING NOW? The Big Questions, by Steven Landsburg, The Good Old Days– They Were Terrible! by Otto L. Bettman, and We Are Doomed by John Derbyshire.

86. ARE YOU AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? Night owl.

87. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE? Not while either is attached.

88. CAN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AND RAISE YOUR EYEBROWS? Yes.

89. DO YOU HAVE PETS? No.

90. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? My normal ringtone is continuous, so one.

91. WHAT ARE SOME OF THE DIFFERENT JOBS THAT YOU HAVE HAD IN YOUR LIFE? Soccer linesman and referee. Clerk at soccer store. Bagger at grocery store. Telephone surveyor. Dye/chemical blender and tester at textile mill. Coach. Teacher.

92. ANY NEW AND EXCITING THINGS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE? Nope.

93. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Making sure your cells get enough oxygen, glucose, and a few other things.

94. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? Thoughts of puppies and rainbows.

3 comments

  1. The answer to #93 is incorrect.

    “Conan, what is best in life?”

    “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.”

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  2. We are doomed was a really interesting read, but I made the mistake of reading Derbyshire and Kotkin at the same time. Talk about conflicting literature.

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