“I need a solution.”

My phone rang at 5:50 this morning. It was “Lego.” A call that early in the morning from a friend is usually an emergency of some sort, so I picked up the phone. Here is the best reconstruction of the conversation I can offer, given my sleepyheadedness.

VDV: Yeah?

LEGO: Dom?

VDV: Yeah.

LEGO: It’s Lego.

VDV: Yeah.

LEGO: Did I wake you?

VDV: Yeah.

LEGO: I need a huge favor.

VDV: Yeah?

LEGO: My flight is leaving in an hour. I have to check a bag, which costs twenty-five dollars.

VDV: Yeah?

LEGO: I don’t have any money with me, so could you lend me twenty-five dollars?

VDV: What?

LEGO: My flight’s taking off in an hour. Can you lend me twenty-five dollars?

VDV: There’s no way I can get any money to you in an hour.

This was not true, but I was barely awake and I forgot that the airport is only 45 minutes away, so I think I can be forgiven. Even so, I almost definitely wouldn’t have gotten the money to him in time anyways: you have to factor in wake-up time, popping-in-the-contacts time, extra driving time due to grogginess, the boarding time as opposed to the departure time, etc.

I’d forgotten another possibility, which Lego immediately raised:

LEGO: Can you give me money over the phone?

VDV: What?

LEGO (addressing clerk at the airport): Can he give you his credit card number? Will that work?

VDV: I’m not giving anyone my credit card number.

This may make me seem like no friend at all, but there was no way I was giving this guy anything even vaguely resembling access to my credit card.

LEGO: Oh. [Back to the clerk] I don’t have any money.

CLERK (whose voice was surprisingly clear for being in the background): Sir, it’s twenty-five dollars to check your bag.

LEGO: I understand that, but I don’t have any cash.

CLERK: Do you have a credit card?

LEGO: I didn’t bring my wallet.

CLERK: I’m sorry, sir, but it’s twenty-five dollars to check your bag.

LEGO: I get that. I don’t have any money.

CLERK: You didn’t bring any money?

LEGO: I bought the plane ticket. If I bought the ticket to get on the plane, why can’t I just get on the plane?

CLERK: Because you need to check a bag.

LEGO: But I bought the ticket already. How–

CLERK: Sir, the ticket does not cover the cost of checking a bag–

LEGO: I don’t have money. I have a plane ticket. How can I get on the plane?

CLERK: If you don’t–

LEGO: I don’t have cash. I don’t have a credit card. I need to get on that plane with my bag. I NEED A SOLUTION.

His tone suggested a belief that it was the airline’s fault he didn’t bring money. At this point I think I laughed, and he realized he hadn’t hung up the phone.

LEGO: I’ll call you back.

He hung up. He didn’t call back. I have no idea whether he made his flight.

5 comments

  1. He didn’t bring his wallet. Hm.

    I hope he brought his ID. Otherwise, he will be subject to the tender mercies of TSA. I think they have a special line for troublemakers.

    Like

  2. Who flies without their wallet? Even if he somehow managed that honestly, the airline should have had the credit card number he purchased his ticket with on file to charge the checked bag fee to.

    Like

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