How sweet.

My dear friend DFJ3 is the youth pastor of a Baptist church in a faraway state. This morning he posted a link to streaming video of his church’s service, so I clicked, waited out the cheesy commercials, and watched for a bit.

I tuned in before the actual service got going, because the camera was aimed at an empty stage. I immediately disapproved of the uptempo instrumental music playing in the background– church music should be solemn and mournful and guilt-inducing. This reminds me: there is a version of “Amazing Grace” set to the tune of “Gilligan’s Island.” It is an atrocity.

After a few minutes of aural abomination, DFJ3 stepped to the lectern to commence the proceedings. The camerawork and connection weren’t all that great, but DFJ3 was suited up, majestic and ministerial as he led the congregation in a nice, solemn hymn.

I expected DFJ3’s sermon to begin sooner or later, but after the third song started I must confess to closing the laptop and going about scrambling some eggs and buttering some toast. And making some tea. And putting jelly on the toast. And having a Reese’s peanut butter mini-cup. Hopefully the sermon wouldn’t have completely transformed my outlook on life and changed me into a better person, because that would’ve made my breakfast the most expensive one ever.

The important thing is that, however briefly, I saw my good friend living his life’s dream, and hopefully leading his life’s mission, on the internet with minimal commercial interruption. I’ll have to watch the actual sermon next time.

The breakfast reminds me: I’m reading a book called Bacon and Egg Man. The American northeast has seceded (think “United States of Canada.” Remember that?) from the rest of the country, is led by Bloomberg’s successors, and has turned into a gastro-fascist surveillance state. I like that term, “gastro-fascist,” let me google it real quick…

…yep, it’s real enough. Anyhow, the hero is a New Yorker with access to bacon and eggs, and is being forced by the cops to help bring down the biggest food-smuggling ring in Manhattan. It’s not Dostoevsky, but it’s fun. I look forward to the movie.

2 comments

  1. Hey Mr. V, seeing as how you have the deductive, intuitive, and just plain guts that could match the batman’s qualities, i’d like to see you unravel this mystery ;

    From the following sixteen facts, try to determine:

    A. Who drinks the water?
    B. Who owns the zebra?

    1. There are five houses.
    2. The Englishman lives in the red house
    3. The Spaniard owns a dog
    4. Coffee is drunk in the green house
    5. The Ukranian drinks tea
    6. The green house is immediately to the right of the ivory house
    7. The Old Gold smoker owns snails
    8. Kools are smoked in the yellow house
    9. Milk is drunk in the middle house
    10. The Norwegian lives in the first house
    11. The Chesterfields smoker lives next door to the man with the fox
    12. Kools are smoked in the house next to the house with the horse
    13. The Lucky Strike smoker drinks orange juice
    14. The Japanese smokes Parliaments
    15. The Norwegian lives next door to the blue house.
    16. In each house there is one nationality, one pet, one cigarette smoker and one liquid drink.

    President Kennedy solved this problem in 21 minutes. The Advertising Director of a famous national magazine took over 2 hours to solve it…how about you?

    Like

  2. Spoilers!





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    ..


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    …..


    The Norwegian drank the water and the Japanese gentlemen owns the zebra

    LSAT 101. Also this is pretty well known.

    Like

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