questionnaire

Questionnaire 19.

The following attempt at cracking the writer’s block comes from this link here.

1. WHAT WAS THE LAST PICTURE YOU TOOK WITH YOUR PHONE? My dental insurance card. Look at that, there’s a crack in my shield.
2. DO YOU KNOW ANY BIG GOSSIPS? Wouldn’t you like to know.
3. HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY A COP? Yep. Five times. One ticket.
4. DO YOU KNOW YOUR HERITAGE? Yes. Three-quarters Italian, one-quarter Irish, 100% Medigone.
5. WHAT HAVE YOU ALWAYS WANTED? DID YOU EVER GET IT? Heat vision. Not yet.
6. WHAT KIND OF SICKNESS HAVE YOU LIED ABOUT SO YOU WOULDN’T GO TO WORK? Hasn’t happened. I have to be damn-near dying to miss work.
7. WHAT WAS THE LAST LIE YOU TOLD? See #5.
8. HAVE YOU EVER DANCED IN THE RAIN? Not sure. Probably not. I don’t think so.
9. WHAT IS YOUR BLOOD TYPE? T-negative.
10. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A CAR ACCIDENT? Yes. When I was 16 I hit the back of a truck. Broke the right headlight and tore the fiberglass on the front right quarter panel.
12. BEST COMPLIMENT YOU HAVE RECEIVED? [Still redacted]
13. DO YOU TRUST ANYONE WITH YOUR LIFE? Yes.
14. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST STRENGTH OR WEAKNESS? I decline to answer due to the possibility that my arch-nemesis survived.
15. WHAT IS YOUR PERFECT PIZZA? One made with love. But if we’re talking about restaurant pizzas, I like Lou Malnati’s Chicago-style deep-dish with pepperoni (which you can have shipped nationwide if necessary. It’s awesome). Unfortunately, each slice takes eight months off your life. I like the margarita from Carmella’s in Palm Coast– rich marinara, good basil, a few big dollops of mozzarella.
16. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST THOUGHT WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING? M.Q.
17. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR FAMILY? WHY OR WHY NOT? Generally. Because.
18. UGLY AND LIVE FOREVER, OR ATTRACTIVE AND DIE IN A YEAR? The former. I’ll live long enough for them to transfer my mind, and hopefully my soul, into a good-lookin’ mechanical body, or for them to figure out how to perform plastic surgery that doesn’t look weird.
20. WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO LIE TO A COURT FOR A CLOSE FRIEND IF IT MEANT SAVING YOUR FRIEND FROM GOING TO JAIL FOR LIFE? No.
21. WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO EAT A BOWL OF CRICKETS FOR $40,000? Yes.
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANYONE LOCKED IN A ROOM SO THAT YOU COULD TORMENT THEM FOR A DAY, WHOM WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND HOW WOULD YOU TORMENT THEM? “Could” is not “must,” thus I would not choose anyone and would not torment them.
23. DO YOU FEEL THAT CHILDREN SHOULD BE SHELTERED FROM UNHAPPINESS? Only if you want to stunt their growth and make them dysfunctional.
24. IF YOU COULD HAVE PERSONALLY WITNESSED ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE SEEN? The moon landing.
25. IF YOU COULD WAKE UP TOMORROW IN THE BODY OF SOMEONE ELSE, WHO WOULD YOU PICK AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO? If this condition were temporary, I’d be Bill Gates for just long enough to write the real me a nice check. If this condition were permanent… I’d have to think about that a while longer.
26. IF YOU COULD BE ANY AGE FOR A WEEK, WHAT AGE WOULD THAT BE? 25 or so. Everything would ache and creak a lot less.
28. IF YOU COULD ONLY HAVE ONE MEAL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Slop, which in my family is elbow macaroni, meat sauce, and butter.
29. WHERE DO YOU GO TO GET ON A COMPUTER? This is 2015. The computer goes wherever I go.
30. HOW DO YOU START A CONVERSATION? “Hello.”
31. WHAT KEYS ON A KEYBOARD DO YOU NOT USE? The tilde, the forward slash, and F5/F6, which (on this MacBook) regulate the brightness of the keyboard backlight.
32. IF YOU HAD A BRAINWASHING MACHINE, WHO WOULD YOU USE IT ON? Dear Leader.
33. YOU ARE WALKING HOME IN THE DARK, YOU SEE SOMETHING MOVE. WHAT/WHO IS IT(GUESS)? WHAT DO YOU DO? It’s the author of this questionnaire. I pummel him for asking a stupid question.
34. WHAT IS THE STRANGEST NAME SOMEONE HAS INTRODUCED THEMSELVES AS TO YOU? WHAT IS THEIR REAL NAME? Her name was a homophone for a body part. It was her real name. She was not amused when I asked if she was serious, and if she knew what that was.
35. WHERE WERE YOU 3 HOURS AGO? DO YOU THINK SOMEONE WAS STALKING YOU? I was here. No.
36. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A CRAYON, OR GLUE? OR, WHAT STRANGE THING HAVE YOU EATEN? When I was a toddler, I drank half a bottle of glue.
37. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? (GENRE, ARTISTS, SONGS?) All sorts, but most of the music I like comes from soundtracks and scores because I can associate it with movies or shows. Right now I’m repeatedly listening to David Arnold’s composition of “OHMSS/Space March”, very similar to the one used in the Propellerheads’ version back in the late 90s.
38. WHAT CHEERS YOU UP? See #16 and #28.
39. WHAT DO YOU CONSTANTLY THINK ABOUT THAT MAKES YOU SAD? I tend not to constantly think about things that make me sad.
40. IS THERE SOMETHING YOU CONSTANTLY LOSE AT YOUR HOUSE OR ANYWHERE? The clicker at work.
41. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE BOOK OR READ MUCH? WHY OR WHY NOT? I’ve answered the book question before, but I do not have a favorite read much.
42. WHAT IS THE LONGEST YOU HAVE GONE WITHOUT SLEEP? Forty hours. It was unnecessary and unpleasant.
43. DO YOU HAVE ANYONE YOU GO TO FOR ADVICE? IN PERSON OR ONLINE? Twice weekly I meet with a council of friends, confidants, paid consultants, and representatives of major world religions. A couple of them have to Skype.
44. WHAT IS THE HABIT YOU ARE PROUDEST OF BREAKING OR WANT TO BREAK? I am proudest of giving up sweet tea back in 2010. I want to stop ingesting soft drinks and most added sugars, though I don’t anticipate putting a whole lot of effort into it.
45. IS THERE ANYTHING I SHOULD KNOW? Yes, but not until it’s too late for you to do anything about it.
46. WHAT DO YOU ORDER OR NOT ORDER AT A RESTAURANT YOU HAVE BEEN TO OR NEVER BEEN TO? What idiot wrote this question?
47. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? LEAST FAVORITE? Favorite: Accelerate. Least favorite: I.
48. DESCRIBE SOMETHING THAT’S HAPPENED TO YOU FOR WHICH HAD NO EXPLANATION. When I was a kid, there was a UFO right outside my window. It flooded the room with light. My little brother was there, he’ll vouch for me. Alien spaceship? No way, I don’t think they visited Jacksonville back in the 80s. But I can’t explain what happened. Yet.
49. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LATEST BIRTHDAY? Cake with my folks, dinner at Latitude 30 with my M.Q. It was a good day.
50. WHAT HOLIDAYS DO YOU CELEBRATE? ARE YOU A RELIGIOUS PERSON OR NOT? The right ones. Not really.
51. IF YOU HAD TO BE NAMED AFTER A CITY, STATE, OR COUNTRY (ETC.), WHICH WOULD YOU WANT IT TO BE? I imagine that there are places named “Vincent” and “Dominic”, so I’ll stick with my name.
53. WHICH DO YOU USE MORE OFTEN, THE DICTIONARY OR THE THESAURUS? The dictionary, which I encourage everyone to study more carefully and more often.
54. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN STUNG BY A BEE? Yes.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TIPPED A COW? No. They’re salaried.
56. WHAT’S THE SICKEST YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? Back in aught-ten, I suffered from severe dehydration and resultant heart problems.
57. ARE YOU STILL LEARNING WHO YOU ARE? No, I figured that out pretty early on. I could even spell it.
58. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? OR WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? I am not afraid of heights. They just make me really, really dizzy.
59. HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN DANCE LESSONS? WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO DANCE WITH? Excluding gym-class square-dancing, I have not taken dance lessons yet. I’ll dance with M.Q.
62. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE? You go first.
63. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COMMERCIAL? Too many come to mind to pick one: the Carlsberg team talk and pub team, Nike’s “Good vs Evil”, “Spa Bomb” for Hahn Premium Light, the Urlacher Fathead with the live bear, and AXE’s “Billions” set to Dies Irae.
64. IF YOU COULD SPEND THE DAY WITH ANY CELEBRITY, WHO WOULD IT BE? Sean Connery.
65. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST FOOD? Tough call, tough call… I’m going to go with toasted wheat bread, well-buttered and blessed with grape or strawberry jelly.
66. DO YOU LIKE GUACAMOLE? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A FOOD FIGHT? It’s ok. Freshman year of college, I was hit by the first dinner roll thrown in the Harcombe food fight at the end of the semester. I evacuated quickly. I have little patience for food fights. Seriously, it’s bad enough we waste as much food as we do, there’s no reason to waste it further.
67. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO SPEND MONEY ON? Food. It means I get to eat.
68. WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST THING ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU PROUD OF IT? I’ve been told I’m so normal it’s weird. No.
69. EVER BEEN IN LOVE WITH 2 PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME? DO YOU THINK THAT’S WRONG? No. It’s not wrong if you’re single. If you’re taken, it’s a problem.
70. EVER HAD ANY RELATIVES IN JAIL? Yes.
71. GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? OR IS THE GLASS JUST MALFORMED? Unless the glass is in a vacuum, the glass is full, period. The second question is silly and has no bearing on the first.
72. MOUNTAINS OR THE BEACH? VIEW, OR THE TV? I could go for a mountain view right about now. We’re inundated with glowing rectangles.
73. PLANE, TRAIN, OR CAR? BOAT, SUBWAY, OR TELEPORTATION DEVICE? Car. Teleporter.
74. IF YOU COULD RETIRE TOMORROW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Probably run out of money really, really fast. I suspect you meant “afford to retire.”
75. EVER SOLD/DONATED YOUR BLOOD? IF YOU HAVEN’T DO YOU WANT TO? I have not. Maybe one day.
76. CROWDS, SMALL GROUPS, OR GO AWAY, I’M A LONER? Small groups.
78. WHAT FAMOUS PERSON DO PEOPLE TELL YOU THAT YOU MOST RESEMBLE? I choose not to engage in this little piece of vanity.
79. WHAT IS THE STRANGEST THING YOU HAVE EVER EATEN? I’m a pretty conventional eater, so I’m hard-pressed to think of an answer. An unagi roll, maybe? That’s eel sushi if I’m not mistaken.
80. IF YOU COULD BRING ANY PERSON BACK TO LIFE, WHO WOULD IT BE? Keynes, so he could get around to the retractions.
81. DO YOU BELIEVE HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY? Yes.
82. WHAT DEAD PERSON WOULD YOU LEAST WANT TO BE HAUNTED BY? Again, wouldn’t you like to know?
83. WHO WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO BE STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH? The elevator repairman, but hopefully not for long.
84. WHO WOULD YOU LEAST LIKE TO BE …? Al Qaeda #2.
85. WHAT DO YOU THINK VICTORIA’S SECRET IS? Polydactyly. No one has ever noticed.
86. WHICH CARTOON CHARACTER DO YOU RESEMBLE THE MOST? I’m not sure who I look like the most, but I feel like Linus.
87. WOULD YOU RATHER GO A WEEK WITHOUT BATHING, BUT BE ABLE TO CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES? OR A WEEK WITHOUT CHANGING YOUR CLOTHES BUT BE ABLE TO BATHE. I’d rather bathe without changing clothes. I’d just devote most of the week to bathing.
88. WHICH OF THE FOUR SEASONS DO YOU MOST LOVE? OR HATE? Tough call between fall and winter. I’ll go with fall because it captures two-thirds of the Halloween-to-Epiphany Corridor of Festivities.
89. IF YOU COULD CHOOSE YOUR METHOD OF DYING OR WHERE, WHAT WOULD THEY BE? I want to die in my sleep at an advanced age on Mars.
90. IF YOU HAD TO BE TRAPPED IN A TV SHOW FOR A MONTH, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE? The Simpsons. No one ages, few die.
91. LIST SOMEONE YOU KNOW, AND DESCRIBE THEM IN 5 WORDS. Dr. Hmnahmna is tall, bald, smart, bald, and… bald.
92. YOU CAN SELECT ONE PERSON FROM HISTORY AND HAVE THEM TRUTHFULLY ANSWER ONE QUESTION, WHO WOULD YOU SELECT AND WHAT IS THE QUESTION? The person: James Madison. The question: “Could you be more specific?”
93. IF YOU JOIN THE CIRCUS, WHAT WOULD YOU PERFORM? I’d be Management.
94. IS THERE ANYTHING PURPLE WITHIN 10 FEET OF YOU? WHAT IS IT? A stress ball.
95. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU BOUGHT SOMETHING? WHAT WAS IT? I bought an ice cream cone this afternoon.
96. ARE YOU WEARING SOCKS RIGHT NOW? No.
97. HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE MOVIES IN THE LAST 5 DAYS? No.
98. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU RAN/WENT FOR A JOG? When moving out of my tower, I was parked in a suboptimal location. When I realized a better location opened up, I sprinted to the SUV, sped around the corner, and parked in the better location.
99. YOUR DREAM VACATION? WORST VACATION? BEST VACATION? Mars. Trip through southern Florida when I was a little kid. Trip to New Jersey/Connecticut in 1998.
100. WORST INJURY YOU HAVE HAD? This one.

Questionnaire 18.

The following questionnaire came from a website called PluginID. Click here for the link. The original questions are in all caps, my answers are not. Here goes:

1. IF YOU DISLIKE YOUR FAMILY, ARE YOU OBLIGATED TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM? Erm….
SHOW UP AT FAMILY FUNCTIONS? Well…
HELP THEM OUT IN THEIR TIME OF NEED? You know, I would, but there’s this thing on TV that night, so…
IS A FAMILY EVEN RELEVANT ANYMORE – ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE A CLOSE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS?
Because it’s late, I can only answer this question like so:
When I first read Brave New World, I could not bring myself to finish it. The abolition of family and monogamy horrified me. I’m sure there are convincing, compelling articles and books and speeches out there about just why the family is increasingly irrelevant, or why genetic attachments are instinctual rather than rational, but that horror remains.

2. IS IT BETTER TO EAT HEALTHILY ALL THE TIME, OR SHOULD WE ALLOW OURSELVES TO INDULGE ONCE IN A WHILE? SIMILARLY, DOES THIS ARGUMENT APPLY TO DRUG USE – EVEN ILLEGAL DRUG USE? You should allow yourself to indulge once in a while, if only for the same reason you get vaccinated: to get your body a little bit used to unhealthy food, in case the apocalypse comes and the power goes out and society breaks down and you have to survive on the Ramen noodles or Girl Scout cookies or Coca-Cola you found in the truck you hijacked en route to the Safe Zone. It was you or them, man.

3. WHY DO WE CALL SOME RELIGIONS “MYTHOLOGIES” (ANCIENT GREEK, NORSE, EGYPTIAN, ETC.) AND OTHERS RELIGIONS? IS THIS FAIR? WHAT DOES THIS SHOW ABOUT HOW RELEVANT CERTAIN IDEAS ARE AS SOCIETY PROGRESSES? Mythologies are religions people stopped believing in. Fair’s got nothing to do with it, or much else. It shows that whether they’re right or wrong to believe X, the fact that people believe X affects the world around them. This’ll come up again in the next question.

4. PEOPLE OFTEN TALK ABOUT THE GROWING GAP BETWEEN THE RICH AND POOR. HOWEVER, TODAY’S POOR (IN THE UNITED STATES, AT LEAST) ARE MUCH BETTER OFF THAN MOST PEOPLE (NOT JUST THE POOR) WERE A CENTURY AGO. DOES IT MATTER THAT THERE’S AN INCREASING GAP BETWEEN THE RICH AND THE POOR IF THE STANDARD OF LIVING FOR THE POOR KEEPS GOING UP? I started writing a few paragraphs in response to this, and thought I’d better make a separate blog post. In short: “Yes, but not for a good enough reason.”

5. HOW WOULD YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE IF YOU HAD A WEEK TO LIVE? HOW WOULD YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE IF YOU HAD 5 YEARS LEFT TO LIVE? HOW WOULD YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE IF YOU WERE GOING TO LIVE FOREVER? A week: ruthlessly. Five years: contentedly. Forever: patiently.

6. IS IT TRULY WORTH IT TO DIE FOR A FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND? YES, YOU’D BE A HERO, BUT THAT PERSON WOULD FEEL GUILTY FOR YOUR DEATH FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. IS THAT “BRAVE” ACT ACTUALLY COWARDLY BECAUSE YOU’RE TRANSFERRING THE GUILT THAT YOU’D HAVE FELT IF YOU DID NOTHING AND WATCHED THEM DIE TO YOUR FRIEND, WHO HAS TO DEAL WITH THE GUILT OF CAUSING YOUR DEATH? I’d rather them feel guilty than be dead, so nyah.

7. IS A DAY SPENT WATCHING MOVIES WHEN YOU COULD’VE BEEN WORKING A DAY WASTED OR WELL SPENT? That depends on the quality of the movies and the quality of the work.

8. WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT TO A RELATIONSHIP: COMMON VALUES OR OTHER COMMONALITIES (LIKE TASTES IN MUSIC, INTERESTS, ETC.)? Common values. We don’t have to like the same music; that’s why God created headphones. But if your values are too different, you occupy different worlds instead of the same space and you travel on tangents instead of the same path.

9. WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ON LOVE? ARE THERE DIFFERENT TYPES? CAN WE SEPARATE LOVE FROM INFATUATION? ARE THERE ANY QUALIFIERS TO MAKE LOVE “TRUE” (RATHER THAN “FAKE”)? Qualifiers? Ask a philosopher. My logic is uncertain where love is concerned.

10. CAN WE EVER BE SURE THAT OUR PERCEPTION OF THINGS IS RIGHT – WITHOUT CONSULTING OTHER PEOPLE?IF WE DO CONSULT OTHERS, HOW ARE WE TO KNOW WHETHER THEIRS IS TRUE OR IF WE’RE BOTH DELUDED? We can be sure, we might just be wrong. Do the best you can.

11. WOULD YOUR LIFE BE BETTER OR WORSE IF YOU KNEW THE DAY, TIME, AND PLACE THAT YOU WERE GOING TO DIE? Worse.

12. WHAT IS HONOR? DOES HONOR MATTER ANYMORE? Honor is integrity, which will matter as long as there’s even one person left with any. God help us if it ever ceases to matter.

13. IS IT REASONABLE TO HAVE A SENSE OF DELUSIONAL CONFIDENCE IN YOUR ABILITIES, OR WOULD YOU RATHER BUILD CONFIDENCE BY PERFORMING WELL IN THE PAST? IF YOU CHOOSE THE LATTER, DOESN’T THAT MEAN THAT A SINGLE BAD PERFORMANCE CAN SHATTER YOUR CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF? Isn’t “delusional confidence” unreasonable by definition? And of course a bad performance can shatter your confidence. Whether it does is up to you.

14. WHAT SHOULD BE THE ROLE OF SEX IN SOCIETY? IS IT A BIG DEAL? A SMALL DEAL? SOMEWHERE IN-BETWEEN? I can’t afford to lose any more sponsors, so I decline to answer this question.

15. WOULD YOU BE A MARTYR AND GIVE UP YOUR REPUTATION AMONGST YOUR PEERS TO DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT? OR IS IT BETTER TO BE PRAGMATIC AND SIT AND DO NOTHING? It depends on the issue. Pragmatism means knowing when to martyr yourself.

16. WOULD YOU RATHER BE INSANE IN A FUNCTIONAL SOCIETY, OR ONE OF THE PEOPLE RUNNING A PROFOUNDLY DYSFUNCTIONAL SOCIETY? I’d rather run a profoundly dysfunctional society. It pays 400 grand a year, plus perks.

17. COULD YOU BE PERSUADED TO KILL? IF YOUR ANSWER IS NO, THEN HOW MUCH MONEY WOULD IT TAKE TO GET YOU TO CHANGE YOUR MIND? Yes. I believe everybody is capable of anything. Truly believing you could never do something horrible is a good first step towards demagnetizing your moral compass. It’s better to realize that you’re capable of horrible things, and to take care to avoid the near occasion of sin.

18. IF SAVING THE HUMAN RACE REQUIRED THE SACRIFICE OF YOURSELF AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE, WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO SAVE – YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES OR HUMANITY AT LARGE? I’d save myself and my loved ones, but only after announcing that humans only have so many hours or days left to become my loved ones.

19. WHAT IF YOUR GOD DOESN’T EXIST? Hopefully I wouldn’t behave any differently.

20. ARE THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES ABOUT OUR PAST TRUE, OR DO WE BEND THE TRUTH SO WE CAN CREATE OUR STORIES? IF THE LATTER IS TRUE, THEN WHAT WORTH IS THERE IN THE STORIES IF THEY AREN’T TRUE? The answer to the first question is both, depending on the beholder. Whoever lies to himself about his past sees value in doing so– ask him. I think and hope I’m honest with myself about my past, or at least that I bend the truth as little as possible.

21. WHAT IS TRUE STRENGTH? The quality or condition of being truly strong.

22. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU NEVER WASTED ANOTHER MINUTE OF YOUR LIFE? WHAT WOULD THAT LOOK LIKE? I’d either be perfect or dead.

23. SOME SAY THAT STRIVING FOR PERFECTION IS UNHEALTHY. WHAT IF STRIVING FOR PERFECTION MADE YOU IMPROVE FASTER THAN YOU WOULD HAVE IF YOU HAD LOWER EXPECTATIONS FOR YOURSELF? WHICH WAY WOULD BE BETTER? Striving for perfection would be better. I think you’re begging the question. Hopefully the rhetoricians and logicians in my readership can chime in.

24. WOULD YOU RATHER LIVE FOR 10 YEARS IN EXCELLENT HEALTH, OR 30 IN “AVERAGE” HEALTH, ASSUMING THAT PERIOD STARTED ON YOUR 18TH BIRTHDAY? Would I still be alive at the end of those years? If so, what sort of condition would I lapse into at the end? There’s a lot missing from this question. That said, I’d probably have to take the 10 years in excellent health. It’d be a good start on the rest of my life.

25. IS OPEN-MINDEDNESS REALLY A VIRTUE IF TRULY DESTRUCTIVE IDEAS ARE SPREADING IN SOCIETY? Open-mindedness does not preclude rejecting stupid and/or evil ideas. Would that more people understood that.

26. WHAT WOULD CRUSH YOU MORE: SEEING THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE DIE BY GETTING HIT BY A CAR, OR GETTING THE CALL FROM YOUR DOCTOR THAT TOLD YOU THAT YOU HAD CANCER AND HAD 6 WEEKS TO LIVE? The former. As Steve Dallas would’ve said, a man can pack a lot of living into six weeks.

27. HOW DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF – HERO OR VILLAIN? IS THE WORST IDENTITY TO HAVE NOT THE VILLAIN, BUT THE PERSON WHO IS POWERLESS? I try to be more heroic than villainous. No one whose mind works is powerless.

28. HOW MUCH CONTROL DO YOU REALLY HAVE OVER YOURSELF? Enough that I have no excuses.

29. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHITE LIES? WHY DO WE TELL OTHERS THEM? WHAT IF WE WENT WITHOUT THEM? I have never, ever told a white lie, so I can’t really say.

30. WHO ARE YOU? NAMES, NATIONALITIES, AND VIRTUALLY ANY OTHER SOCIALLY-DEFINED ATTRIBUTES DO NOT COUNT. DEEP DOWN, WHO ARE YOU? I am the man who wrote this.

Questionnaire 17.

I’ve excised most of those questions I answered in earlier questionnaires. Here’s the source.

1. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 37.
2. ARE YOU SURE? Reasonably, but to be honest I have to take other people’s word for it. I was certainly there when I was born, but I wasn’t looking around for a clock or calendar.
3. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Rum and coke.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE VEGETABLE? Zucchini. Sliced, buttered, salted, peppered, roasted.
6. DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL? Vaguely. I remember sitting in the cafetorium with a bunch of other students and having no clear idea what was going on.
7. WHAT IS THE WORST EXAM RESULT YOU REMEMBER EVER GETTING? Probably a D. I honestly don’t remember ever failing a test. I got an F on a presentation in seventh grade, and I remember thinking the teacher looked happy about it.
8. CAN YOU SWIM? Well enough to save myself for at least five, ten seconds.
9. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE ACTRESS? Sigourney Weaver.
10. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE ACTOR? Sean Connery.
11. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE COMEDIAN? Mitch Hedburg. Unfortunately, the kid died from a speedball ten years ago.
12. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE POLITICIAN? Tough call. The more I study history the less I like most of them. And my answer varies depending on the time of year, i.e., it is often biased towards whatever time period I’m teaching about at the moment. But I’ll go with Coolidge.
13. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE HISTORICAL FIGURE (BEEN DEAD FOR AT LEAST 100 YEARS)? Lincoln.
14. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SUPER-HEROINE? Linda Carter.
15. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SUPER-HERO? Batman.
16. CAN YOU NAME A FEMALE SCIENTIST OTHER THAN MADAME CURIE? Dian Fossey. Rachel Carson. Anna Schwartz.
17. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE GOD OR GODDESS? I’ll interpret this to mean “from myth”. Tough call. I’ll go with Baldr, but that’s probably because I’ve got American Gods on the mind.
18. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE WOMAN OF ALL TIME? From history? Right now, Harriet Tubman.
19. DO YOU AGREE WITH “AN EYE FOR AN EYE, A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH”? Whenever appropriate, though I don’t object to forgiveness. Wisdom is knowing when to apply which.
20. DO YOU AGREE WITH “LIFE DOES NOT FORGIVE WEAKNESS”? No, because sometimes it does.
21. DO YOU AGREE WITH “IT IS THE ENEMY WHO CAN TRULY TEACH US TO PRACTICE THE VIRTUES OF COMPASSION AND TOLERANCE”? Yes. It’s easy to tolerate those we already tolerate, and to have compassion for those we already love or like.
22. DO YOU AGREE WITH “THE STATE CAN DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO”? No. In short, the state exists for my convenience, so that I can do what I want to do.
23. DO YOU AGREE WITH “IF I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN BETRAYING MY COUNTRY AND BETRAYING MY FRIEND, I HOPE I SHOULD HAVE THE GUTS TO BETRAY MY COUNTRY”? That really depends on what my friend was up to.
24. DO YOU AGREE WITH “IF THE PATH BE BEAUTIFUL, LET US NOT ASK WHERE IT LEADS”? They say good intentions are beautiful.
25. DO YOU AGREE WITH “CRIME IS A PRODUCT OF SOCIAL EXCESS”? Not all crime is a product of social excess. Some people are jerks, some are evil.
26. DO YOU AGREE WITH “DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU”? Yes.
27. DO YOU AGREE WITH “AND MANKIND IS NAUGHT BUT A SINGLE NATION”? No. I am much prouder of being an American than I am of being a human.
28. DO YOU AGREE WITH “BULIMIA IS SOOOO ’87”? I don’t know what this means. If it’s a quote from a movie… I just googled the quote, and am embarrassed to admit that I didn’t recognize it from Heathers. Good Lord. Anyhow, if the quote is used to mean that bulimia should be avoided and overcome, then yes. But if it is used seriously (i.e., not in a darkly comic sense) to mean that there are newer, trendier eating disorders, then I think the quote makes too light of a serious problem.
29. WHAT IS THE WORST MOVIE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN? Superman IV comes to mind as being especially horrible. That’s why I loved Superman Returns so much; it retconned Superman III and IV out of existence.
30. WHAT IS THE WORST TV SHOW YOU HAVE EVER SEEN? Ferris Bueller.
31. WHAT IS THE BEST BOOK YOU HAVE EVER READ? The Road.
32. WHAT IS THE WORST SONG YOU HAVE EVER HEARD? Probably something on YouTube about life in Detroit. It was atrocious.
33. WHAT IS THE WORST SPORT YOU KNOW OF? Not a big fan of golf. All those courses could be soccer pitches, or football fields, or basketball courts. Or hockey rinks, if you’re far enough north.
34. WHO IS THE BEST AUTHOR EVER? Just going by sales alone, Moses.
35. WHO IS THE WORST SPORTS “STAR” YOU HAVE EVER SEEN? Worst in what sense? It’s pretty hard to fake great success in the sporting arena; it’s not really a matter of judgement. My most hated sports figure, based simply on what happened on the field, would have to be Charles Martin, mid-80s defensive lineman for the Green Bay Packers, for body slamming Jim McMahon.
36. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME TO WITNESS A HISTORICAL EVENT IN PERSON, WHAT EVENT WOULD YOU WANT TO SEE? The Tunguska meteor strike in 1908, from a safe distance.
37. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? Italy.
38. IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE IN THE WORLD, WHO WOULD YOU MEET? The winner of the next five Super Bowls, so I could make some money prognosticating.
39. IF YOU COULD BECOME FAMOUS FOR ONE THING, WHAT WOULD THAT THING BE? Education reform.
40. IF YOU COULD BUY ANYTHING REGARDLESS OF COST, WHAT WOULD YOU BUY? A house in a quiet corner of the world.
41. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANY ONE THING ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY, WHAT WOULD IT BE? There are entirely too few states. I say add three. I am not a crackpot.
42. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANY ONE THING ABOUT INTERNATIONAL POLITICS, WHAT WOULD IT BE? See #41.
43. IF YOU COULD MEET ANY FAMOUS PERSON WHO IS DEAD, WHO WOULD IT BE? Keynes, to see what he thought of what he hath wrought.
44. IF YOU COULD BECOME DICTATOR OF THE WORLD, WOULD YOU? Yes, but only so I could, like, do stuff that was good for humanity, and then I totally promise I’d step down.
45. IF YOU COULD EAT AN ENTIRE COW AT ONE SITTING, WOULD YOU? No.
46. HAVE YOU EVER ILLEGALLY DOWNLOADED MUSIC/TV SHOWS/MOVIES FROM THE NET? Nice try, Metallica.
47. HAVE YOU EVER USED ILLEGAL NARCOTICS (YES, EVEN POT COUNTS IF IT WAS ILLEGAL AT THE TIME)? No, but once I accidentally took five amoxicillin pills instead of four before a dentist visit. Hopefully the American people will understand that it was a youthful indiscretion.
48. HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN ANY POINTS ON YOUR DRIVING LICENSE? I don’t bleeve so.
49. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN ANYTHING FROM A SHOP? No.
50. HAVE YOU EVER BOUGHT ALCOHOL OR CIGARETTES WHILE UNDERAGE? No.
51. HAVE YOU EVER BOUGHT ALCOHOL OR CIGARETTES FOR ANOTHER PERSON WHO WAS UNDERAGE? No.
52. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO CHEAT THE TAXMAN/SOCIAL SECURITY/OTHER GOVERNMENT AGENCY? Cheat? No. Out-cheat? Yes.
53. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN ON A TRAIN OR BUS WITHOUT PAYING? No.
54. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED? No.
55. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CHARGED WITH A CRIME? No.
56. WHAT’S THE FURTHEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN FROM HOME? San Diego.
57. WHERE HAVE YOU VISITED THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO GO BACK TO? Chicago. New Hampshire. Arizona.
58. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO VISIT THAT YOU HAVEN’T YET? Italy. Alaska.
59. WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE IN THE WORLD? Wherever my sweet patootie is.
60. WHERE HAVE YOU VISITED THAT YOU HOPE NEVER TO GO TO AGAIN? Not a big fan of Middleburg.
61. WHERE WOULD YOU DEFINITELY NEVER GO TO? Venus, probably.
62. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WAY TO TRAVEL? Driving.
63. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE WAY TO TRAVEL? Airplane.
64. WHAT IS THE CAPITAL OF ASSYRIA? {}
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? Comme une image (Look at me).
66. WAS IT ANY GOOD? I enjoyed it much more than I expected to. I thought the relationships were almost perfectly structured: almost every character ignored someone, and almost every character was ignored by someone else.
67. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Working on American Emperor, about Aaron Burr.
68. WAS IT ANY GOOD? So far.
69. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? Chet Faker’s cover of “No Diggity”.
70. WAS IT ANY GOOD? Yes.
71. WHAT WAS THE LAST COMPUTER GAME YOU PLAYED? If phone apps count, then Chess with Friends. If they don’t, then probably bullet chess on Chess.com.
72. DID YOU DO WELL? In some matches, yes. In others, no.
73. WHAT WAS THE LAST MEAL YOU ATE? Turkey and cranberries on wheat, sweet potato chips with hummus, water. Ate it on the north dock of the lake in my old neighborhood, which was nice after the sun sank below the tree line. I’ll save you the trouble of the next question: it was good.
74. DO YOU AGREE WITH THE WAR IN IRAQ? Yes.
75. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS? Yes, but it isn’t silly or unreasonable to think we’re alone in the universe. I would be as surprised to find proof of their existence as I would be to find proof of their non-existence. I do not believe that aliens have visited Earth.
76. DO YOU AGREE WITH THE THEORY OF EVOLUTION? I believe evolution happened and is happening. However, I haven’t actually spoken with the Theory and thus don’t know whether we’d agree on much.
77. DO YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION? No.
78. DO YOU AGREE WITH THE IDEA OF THE UNITED NATIONS? Sorta kinda.
79. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? Not as I understand it. Some people never get what’s supposedly coming back around to them.
80. DO YOU AGREE WITH THE THEORIES OF MAN-INDUCED GLOBAL WARMING? Yes, but I’d probably disagree with AGW adherents about what to do about it.
81. DO YOU BELIEVE IN DEMOCRACY ABOVE ALL OTHER SYSTEMS OF GOVERNMENT? Democracy is a method. So far it seems to be the best method of protecting my rights, so yes.
82. DO YOU AGREE WITH FREDDIE MERCURY WHEN HE SINGS “FAT-BOTTOMED GIRLS YOU MAKE THE ROCKIN’ WORLD GO ROUND”? Yes, but so do non-fat-bottomed girls and so do boys. I believe that we all affect the Earth’s rotation in some way, however miniscule.
83. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CITY? See #59.
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT? Soccer.
85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE IN THE WORLD? How many different ways are you going to ask this question?
86. GIVE US A QUOTE TO END ON: Cicero: “Nescire autem quid antequam natus sis acciderit, id est semper esse puerum.” To ignore what came before you is to forever remain a child.

Questionnaire 16.

1. HOW DO YOU DEFINE HONESTY? The willingness to make thought and speech reflect fact and reality.

2. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR OR WORRY? That the AC will stop working.

3. WHAT IS THE MAIN THING THAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE? A tiny fraction of my DNA.

4. IF YOU HAD TO EVACUATE YOUR HOUSE IMMEDIATELY, WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WOULD GRAB ON THE WAY OUT? A pre-packed bag of clothing, toiletries, my contact lenses, cell phone, laptop… I can say this with great authority. When this happened, I was fortunate to have packed a bag a few days earlier for a short trip. The trip was cancelled, but I hadn’t unpacked the bag yet.

5. WHAT FACIAL EXPRESSION OR MOVEMENT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE LYING? Whichever one is necessary to convince my audience that I’m telling not just the truth, but the most profound and inescapable truth ever told.

6. WHAT IS THE OLDEST ITEM YOU OWN? That I can think of off the top of my head: some artifacts from the Battle of Antietam (Sharpsburg).

7. IF SOMEONE WERE TO GIVE YOU ONE GIFT, MONEY IS NO OBJECT, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO RECEIVE? My needs are small. As it turns out, I have this affinity for beachfront property… Australia.

8. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO HAVE COURAGE? The willingness to do something despite fear.

9. DO YOU LIKE YOUR NAME? Yes.

10. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? WHAT IS IT? Yes. “Mr. V.”

11. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY SPECIAL MAGIC, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I’ll go with one I haven’t mentioned before: perfect memory and recall.

12. IF YOU HAD THREE WISHES, WHAT WOULD YOU WISH? See #56 from Questionnaire 2.

13. IF YOU COULD PREDICT THE FUTURE, WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE? Abuse it, probably.

14. IS YOUR FAVORITE TIME THE PAST, PRESENT OR THE FUTURE? The past was my favorite, the present is my favorite, the future will be my favorite.

15. WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 20 YEARS? Earth. If not there, then Mars.

16. WHO IS THE ONE PERSON THAT HELPED TO MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE TODAY? In the most technical sense, probably one of my parents. Aside from either of them, and again in the most technical sense, either Dave Thomas or Dick Portillo. Maybe the guy who runs General Mills.

17. IF YOU WERE PUNISHED FOR A CRIME, WHAT TYPE OF PUNISHMENT WOULD YOU CHOOSE? …the lightest one possible?

18. DESCRIBE A TIME YOU GOT INTO TROUBLE. My senior year of high school, I yawned in class, and my physics teacher yelled “NO YAWNING!” I finished yawning, and then must’ve smirked because he yelled “NO SMIRKING!” It took me a long time to realize that he wasn’t being a jerk, or rather wasn’t just being a jerk, he was doing it to entertain himself. The guy really was a good teacher. He also looked like a viking.

19. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU FIRST WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Turn off my backup alarms.

20. WHAT MAKES YOU A GOOD PERSON? As I’ve pointed out in the past, I exchange oxygen gas for carbon dioxide as well as any person alive. So, that.

21. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST REGRET? I’ll go with something conventional: that upon graduating from college, I still had no idea what I wanted to do and no decent plan.

22. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE STANDING ON A BEACH LOOKING AT THE OCEAN? Loud. On my last trip to a beach, I missed about half the conversation.

23. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT TO WEAR? Shirt. Jeans. Belt. Underwear. Socks. Shoes. I like to accessorize that little ensemble with a wristwatch and my contact lenses.

24. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE DRIVING ALONE IN A CAR? Listen to the radio or my playlist.

25. IF A FRIEND IS BEING BULLIED OR HARASSED BY SOMEONE, WHAT DO YOU DO? When you say “someone”, do you mean me? Hopefully I’ll stop; that wouldn’t be very nice of me.

26. REFLECT ON THE CHARACTERISTICS OF YOUR BEST FRIEND. WHAT MAKES HIM OR HER SO SPECIAL? He hasn’t tried to kill me yet, as far as I know.

27. CAN YOU KEEP SECRETS? DESCRIBE A TIME YOU DIDN’T. I can keep secrets, but I won’t describe a time I didn’t. I figure describing it would only exacerbate the betrayal of trust. That said, when someone asks if I can keep a secret (in the sense of asking me if I’ll keep his/her secret), my response is “I can, but fair warning: I will exercise my own judgement regarding whether I will keep that secret.”

28. HOW DO YOU SHOW YOUR LOVE FOR OTHERS? An elaborate ritualistic dance-like agitation in which I puff up as much as possible, pound my chest, and howl in an effort to demonstrate dominance and fertility.

29. WHAT IS THE NICEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE FOR YOU? [REDACTED]

30. IF YOU COULD BECOME ANYONE’S FRIEND THAT YOU WANT, WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Bill Gates.

31. ARE YOU THE TYPE OF PERSON WITH LOTS OF FRIENDS OR JUST A FEW CLOSE ONES? A few close friends, many acquaintances, many more people I’m vaguely aware of having encountered.

32. WHAT IS ONE QUALITY YOU ADMIRE MOST IN OTHERS? I’ll be lazy and go with honesty and courage.

33. DO YOU PREFER TO BE WITH THOSE WHO ARE YOUNGER OR OLDER THAN YOU ARE? I’m indifferent.

34. IF YOU COULD ASK ME ONE QUESTION, AND I HAD TO ANSWER YOU TRUTHFULLY, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW? I don’t need you to answer truthfully. I already know what I need to know about you.

35. WHAT IS THE MEANEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE TO SOMEONE? I dare not repeat it here.

36. DESCRIBE AN ACTIVITY THAT YOU THINK IS TRULY ROMANTIC. We’d spend an evening rejecting rationalism and the scientific method, reading counter-Enlightenment poetry, and maybe writing short bits of Gothic horror.

37. IF YOU WERE TO WRITE A LOVE NOTE TO YOUR SWEETHEART, WHAT WOULD IT SAY? “DEAR X, DO YOU LIKE ME? [ ] YES [ ] MAYBE”

38. WHEN YOU ARE IN TROUBLE, WHOM DO YOU CALL FOR HELP? Trouble’s arch-nemesis: Robert Baukman.

39. WHO ARE THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE THE MOST? They know who they are.

40. IF YOU HAD TO PICK ONE PLACE IN YOUR TOWN TO BRING A TOURIST, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? My house.

41. WHAT IS THE ONE CAUSE THAT YOU FEEL MOST PASSIONATE ABOUT? Economic education.

42. IF YOU LIVED IN THE PIONEER DAYS, WOULD YOU HAVE TRAVELED WEST OR STAYED PUT IN THE EAST? Tough call. Probably stayed in the East… life was tough enough without having to take on the elements, and bears, and pissed-off Native Americans, and the Scots-Irish.

43. WHICH IS YOUR FAVORITE NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION? WHAT DO YOU DO TO HELP THEM? I suppose it’s Clemson University’s scholarship fund, because I send them the most cash.

44. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL TO SPACE, WOULD YOU GO? Yep.

45. WOULD YOU WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD ON A BOAT IN THE SEA? Nope, unless I knew the boat would not stop moving forward. Motion sickness, y’see.

46. WHEN YOU TRAVEL AWAY FROM HOME, DO YOU MISS IT? A little.

47. WHAT IS THE GREATEST CRISIS WE FACE AS A WORLD? “Stupid economic policy” covers a lot of ground, so I’ll go with that.

48. DESCRIBE YOUR FAVORITE VACATION. Probably my 2009 summer vacation, as described in a series of blog posts at the time. I also enjoyed my spring break trip up to Maryland/DC/PA in 2004, which was based at Mole’s Mountain.

49. IF YOU COULD WRITE YOUR OWN BILL OF RIGHTS, WHAT WOULD YOU INCLUDE? Long story short: in addition to what’s already in our national Bill of Rights, at the very least I’d add the right to make contracts, the right to own/buy/sell/bequeath/divest property.

50. WHAT IS GOING ON TODAY IN THE WORLD THAT AFFECTS YOU THE MOST? Sunbeams cascading upon the good Earth.

51. WHAT BAD HABIT WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO GIVE UP IF IT GUARANTEED YOU WOULD LIVE TO BE 100? Do you mean “at least 100” or “exactly 100”? Either way, probably chewing ice.

52. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING TO EAT? …food?

53. WHAT IS ONE FOOD THAT YOU WILL NOT EAT? I should probably stop eating crustaceans. Those things are disgusting, the more I think about it.

54. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WAY TO EXERCISE? Aside from playing soccer, I’d go with riding a recumbent bike.

55. IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE TO BE BLIND OR DEAF, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU PICK? Deaf.

56. IF YOU COULD HAVE SOMEONE ELSE’S FACE, WHOM WOULD YOU CHOOSE? My evil twin’s face.

57. DESCRIBE A VIVID DREAM YOU HAVE HAD. I do a lot of that already. Click on the “dream” tag.

58. WHAT PHYSICAL FEATURE DO YOU LEAST LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? Whatever physical feature makes breathing difficult.

59. WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW THE EXACT DAY OF YOUR DEATH? I suppose so. It’d give me some real advantages in terms of asymmetrical information.

60. IF YOU HAD TO PICK ONE HERO, WHO WOULD IT BE? To do what? Better safe than sorry: Superman.

61. IF YOU COULD PICK ONE THING TO CHANGE ABOUT YOUR SCHOOL OR JOB, WHAT WOULD IT BE? It’d pay thirty times more than it currently does.

62. WHAT ARE MOST PROUD OF? My humility.

63. ARE YOU THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WANTS TO BE THE BIG FISH IN A LITTLE POND OR THE LITTLE FISH IN THE BIG POND? I don’t want either.

64. DESCRIBE A TIME WHEN YOU WANTED TO QUIT, BUT DIDN’T. In summer of 1998, I started at an utterly soul-crushing job. I’d walk in the building, take a deep breath, and it’d smell like despair and hopelessness. But I didn’t quit, until October. Then I quit.

65. IS COMPETITION GOOD FOR YOU? Yes.

66. IF YOU COULD STUDY ANYTHING YOU WANTED IN SCHOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT? More economics.

67. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU LEARNED IN SCHOOL THAT YOU THINK IS USELESS TO YOU TODAY? My 11th grade “logic” course was an utter and complete waste of time. It had nothing to do with logic, formal or otherwise, and was essentially just goof-off time for the teacher. I always suspected the admins gave him that course in hopes that he’d do less damage there than elsewhere.

68. WHEN SOMEONE FAILS AT SOMETHING, WHAT SHOULD HE OR SHE DO? Assuming that the “something” is something constructive, fun, or otherwise positive, he or she should try, try again. If the “something” is something negative, he or she should stop immediately.

69. IF YOU COULD PICK ANY CAREER, WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO BE? Professional money-spender.

70. DO YOU WANT TO BE FAMOUS? No.

71. IF YOU COULD BECOME A CHARACTER IN A TV SHOW OR MOVIE, WHO WOULD YOU CHOSE TO BE? FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper.

72. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTSIDE ACTIVITY? First, breathing. Second, soccer.

73. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND HOW DO YOU CELEBRATE IT? My birthday, and however I damn well please.

74. HAVE YOU BEEN ON A ROLLER COASTER? WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE? I have. It was unpleasant. I get dizzy walking sometimes, so you can imagine how the roller coaster went.

75. IF YOU HAD TO SPEND A DAY NOT USING ANY TECHNOLOGY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Walk around and look at stuff. But not, like, any technological stuff.

76. DESCRIBE THE PERFECT PARTY. Read this.

77. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF ART? Good art.

78. WHAT SPORT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE BEST AT? If by “the best” you mean “personally most proficient”, then soccer. If you literally mean “the best” as in “best in the world”, then… soccer.

79. IF YOU COULD BE A CARTOON CHARACTER, WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO BE? Space Ghost.

80. DO YOU KNOW ANY JOKES? IF SO, TELL ME ONE. I know jokes. This one came from my niece:

X: Knock, knock.
Y: Who’s there?
X: Banana.
Y: Banana who?
X: Grape.

81. WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH THE HARDEST? Tough call. Perhaps some old “Whose Line” re-runs, from the Drew Carey and Clive Anderson days.

82. WHAT MAKES YOUR FAMILY UNIQUE FROM OTHERS? I’m going to have to go with the DNA thing again.

83. WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAMILY’S TRADITIONS? Pizza and shrimp on Christmas day.

84. DO YOU KNOW HOW YOU GOT YOUR NAME? I bested the previous Vincent Dominic Viscariello in trial by combat and won his title and lands. I spared his family.

Questionnaire 15.

The following questions come from various sources, and I’m too lazy to link them all here. Here goes:

1. PUT YOUR MUSIC PLAYER OF CHOICE ON SHUFFLE AND LIST THE FIRST 10 SONGS. “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” (Platters), “Fascination Street” (Cure), “Catcha the Monkey” (dunno the artist), “Don’t Stop Honey” (R.L. Burnside), “One Thing Leads to Another” (Fixx), “In the Cold, Cold Night” (White Stripes), “Only You” (Portishead), “Sweet Jane” (Cowboy Junkies), “Gimme Shelter” (Rolling Stones), “Miss You” (Rolling Stone and Dr. Dre).

2. IF YOU COULD SPEND A WEEK ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE AND WHY? WOULD YOU TAKE ANYONE WITH YOU? I’d go to Italy to see where most of ancestors came from, to eat in the finest restaurants, to watch some of the most talented footballers play some of the most boring soccer on Earth, to climb the mountains and to walk the beaches. I’d bring a beautiful woman with a lot more money than I have. Fluency in Italian would be unnecessary because they all speak English over there.

3. WHAT IS YOUR PREFERRED WRITING IMPLEMENT? (EG. BLUE PEN, PENCIL, GREEN PEN) Keyboard aside, I’d say a fine-tipped black ballpoint pen.

4. FAVOURITE MONTH AND WHY? November, because it’s the high point of my birthday corridor (October 31st-January 6th).

5. WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST DESPISE? Elvis.

6. NAME 3 ITEMS YOU COULD PICK UP FROM WHERE YOU ARE. A History of Economic Thought by William J. Barber. A small red notebook. A fine-tipped black ballpoint pen.

7. WHAT BRAND LOGO IS CLOSEST TO YOU CURRENTLY? Hanes.

8. DO YOU EVER PLAY BOARD GAMES OR OTHER NON-COMPUTER GAMES? GOT ANY FAVOURITES? Chess.

9. A MUSICAL ARTIST YOU LOVE THAT ISN’T WELL KNOWN. R.L. Burnside, rest in peace.

10. A MUSICAL ARTIST YOU LOVE THAT IS WELL KNOWN. Led Zeppelin.

11. WHAT IS YOUR DESKTOP BACKGROUND CURRENTLY? Hold on, let me check… a stock photo of a rocky, hilltopped island across a choppy bay.

12. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO, AND THROUGH WHAT YOU TALKED TO THEM. Some stranger in the elevator. I talked to him through the air.

13. FIRST COLOUR NAME YOU CAN THINK OF THAT ISN’T IN THE RAINBOW. Brown.

14. WHAT TIMEKEEPING DEVICES ARE IN THE ROOM YOU ARE CURRENTLY IN? Computers, cellphones, watches, microwave, stove.

15. WHAT KIND OF HEADPHONES DO YOU USE? White ones.

16. WHAT MUSICAL ARTISTS HAVE YOU SEEN PERFORM LIVE? I’m not a big fan of live performances. The last professionals I saw live were the Von Bondies. That was a while back.

17. WHAT GAMING CONSOLES DO YOU OR YOUR FAMILY OWN? I have a PS3 that serves as little more than a Netflix device.

18. WHAT’S THE BEST JOB YOU’VE EVER HAD? My current job: vice cop posing as high school teacher.

19. WHAT’S THE WORST JOB YOU’VE EVER HAD? For a little less than two weeks, I worked at a call center doing telephone surveys. It was soul-crushing.

20. WHAT MAGAZINES DO YOU READ, IF ANY? None. It’s all online.

21. INSPIRATION BEHIND YOUR URL? It’s… it’s my name.

22. INSPIRATION BEHIND YOUR BLOG TITLE? It started off as “VDV’s Journal”. Then, while trying to update the software, I deleted it. Then it was called “VDV’s Journal, Part II”. It happened twice more, and here we are.

23. FAVOURITE ITEM OF CLOTHING? Back in 1998, I bought a pair of brown Skechers Alley Cats. When they wore out, I bought another pair of brown Skechers Alley Cats. I’m on my fifth pair, I think.

24. ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH ANY EXES? No.

25. WHAT’S YOUR NATIVE LANGUAGE? IF THAT LANGUAGE HAS DISTINCT REGIONAL VARIATIONS, WHICH VARIATION? (EG. AU ENGLISH, US ENGLISH) I speak American English.

26. IS THERE ANYTHING HANGING ON THE WALLS OF THE ROOM YOU ARE CURRENTLY IN? Pictures, drawn and painted.

27. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER, AND WHY? Eleven. Here’s why.

28. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER YESTERDAY? Chicken pad thai.

29. HOW OFTEN DO YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH? At least twice a day.

30. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE CANDY/CHOCOLATE? Tough call. I’m going to go with refrigerated Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, the miniature version. Actually, there’s an even smaller version now, so I mean the smallest version that comes in a foil rapper.

31. IF YOU WERE SUDDENLY REALLY HUNGRY, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO EAT? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

32. IF YOU COULD STUDY ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Another tough call. Perhaps a foreign language other than Italian. Maybe some more advanced math.

33. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR? Sharp.

34. WHAT THINGS ANNOY YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE? People annoy me more than other types of things do.

35. WHAT KIND OF POSITION ARE YOU IN AT THE MOMENT? I am reclining in my recliner.

36. DO YOU WEAR MUCH JEWELLERY? Nope. Just a watch.

37. WHAT DO YOU CARRY YOUR MONEY IN? My wallet.

38. DO YOU ENJOY DRIVING? WHY OR WHY NOT? I enjoy it sometimes and can’t get out of the car fast enough other times.

39. LONGEST DRIVE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN ON? Jacksonville to Las Cruces, New Mexico and back. One of my northern sojourns might’ve been longer, but those are usually broken up by day-or-two-long visits with friends and family.

40. FURTHEST AWAY FROM HOME YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? San Diego.

41. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU MOVED HOUSE? I have never moved house. If you mean moved my living quarters from one place to another, that would be a whole bunch of times once you factor in dorm- and apartment-living in Clemson.

42. WHAT IS ON THE FLOOR OF THE ROOM YOU’RE CURRENTLY IN, NOT INCLUDING FURNITURE? Rugs. Doormats. Some cords for the electronics. The ceramic wine chiller that Mole gave me.

43. HOW MANY DEVICES DO YOU OWN WHICH CAN ACCESS THE INTERNET? Five that I can think of.

44. IS THERE IS ANYTHING THAT IS GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS MAKE YOU HAPPY? No.

45. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT ALWAYS MAKES YOU SAD? No.

46. WHAT PROGRAMS DO YOU CURRENTLY HAVE OPEN? Chrome, Google Docs.

47. WHAT DO YOU ASSOCIATE THE COLOUR RED WITH? Blood. Heat. Sauce.

48. LAST STRONG SMELL YOU CAN REMEMBER SMELLING? Bleach.

49. LAST HEALTHY THING YOU ATE? I had some chicken earlier today. Pretty certain it was healthy.

50. DO YOU DRINK TEA OR COFFEE, AND HOW MUCH PER DAY? I drink at least one cup of hot tea a day (with whole milk if possible, with a bit of sugar or none), and a few glasses of unsweetened iced tea a day. I don’t drink coffee.

51. WHAT DO YOU ASSOCIATE THE COLOUR BLUE WITH? Calm. Reason. Fruit.

52. HOW LONG IS THE CLOSEST RULER YOU CAN FIND? lt’s a normal ruler, so twelve inches.

53. WHAT COLOUR PANTS/SKIRT/ETC ARE YOU CURRENTLY WEARING? Navy blue.

54. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU DRANK WATER? Maybe thirty minutes ago.

55. HOW OFTEN DO YOU CLEAR YOUR BROWSER HISTORY? Rarely.

56. DO YOU BELIEVE NUDE PHOTOS CAN BE ARTISTIC, RATHER THAN EROTIC? Yes.

57. EVER WRITTEN FANFICTION FOR ANYTHING? Yes. Many moons ago I wrote fan fiction about myself. I went back in time to stop a man named Winter, who had killed Hitler so he could take over Europe for himself.

58. IF YOU HAD TO MOVE YOUR BIRTHDAY TO ANOTHER DATE, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU CHOOSE AND WHY? January 1st. It’d be easier to keep track of everything, and Christmas would kick off the last week leading up to my birthday.

59. WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE AT A BEACH OR IN THE COUNTRYSIDE? At this moment, the countryside– in a house atop rolling hills, on a cloudless and moonless night, stars dotting the sky– would be a welcome change from waking up to hearing some poor homeless woman screaming “One more time, @#$%^&, one more time! I’LL KILL YOU!”

60. ROUGHLY HOW MANY PEOPLE LIVE IN YOUR TOWN? One million.

61. DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS YOU? Yes.

62. FAVOURITE PLACE TO SHOP? CAN BE A CERTAIN STORE OR A PLACE WHERE THERE ARE MULTIPLE STORES? Locally, I’d say a place called “Publix”. They have food there.

63. DO YOU HAVE A SMARTPHONE? WHAT KIND? IF YOU DON’T, DO YOU WANT ONE? I have an iPhone 5.

64. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE COLOUR, AND WHY? I don’t have a least favorite color.

65. HOW DO YOU SPELL GREY/GRAY? Depends on my mood. “Grey” suggests a bit more gravitas, but I think “gray” connotes advanced age better.

66. WHEN YOU WASH YOUR HANDS, DO YOU USE THE COLD OR HOT TAP (FAUCET)? Hot.

67. IF YOU HAD TO BE STRAIGHT/GAY FOR A DAY (WHICHEVER YOU’RE CURRENTLY NOT!), WHAT CELEBRITY WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO TAKE ON A DATE? Sean Connery, because (A) it’s Sean frickin’ Connery, and (B) at his age, nothing untoward would happen.

68. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST INJURY YOU’VE EVER SUSTAINED AND HOW DID YOU DO IT? Tough call. I’ll go with nearly getting crushed between two machines at work as described here.

69. WHAT IS THE MOST UNUSUAL FOOD YOU’VE EVER EATEN? Probably some awful Mexican candy that ended up in the garbage as soon as “Ingrid” wasn’t looking.

70. WHAT IS THE MOST UNIQUE ANIMAL YOU’VE EVER TOUCHED? Either an elephant or a shark. The elephant was alive, the shark was not.

71. WHICH 3 COUNTRIES WOULD YOU LEAST LIKE TO LIVE IN AND WHY? Off the top of my head: North Korea. Singapore. Iran. They’re the first three that came to mind when I thought of repression, though North Korea’s really in a class by itself.

72. IF YOU COULD MAKE JUST ONE CHANGE TO THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHY? People would abide the Golden Rule/Silver Rule/Zero Aggression Principle.

73. IF YOU COULD WAKE UP TOMORROW AND BE FLUENT IN 3 ADDITIONAL LANGUAGES, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Spanish, Arabic, Russian.

74. WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER OUT OF THESE 3 OPTIONS? A: BE GOOD LOOKING AND EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT BUT SO POOR YOU LIVE ON THE STREETS. B: BE EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT AND A MILLIONAIRE BUT WHAT SOCIETY CLASSES AS UGLY. OR C: BE GOOD LOOKING AND A MILLIONAIRE BUT EXTREMELY ACADEMICALLY CHALLENGED? WHY? I would want go with Option A because it doesn’t sound like I’d be poor and homeless for long.

75. WHAT ARE THE TOP 10 MOVIES TO MAKE YOU CRY? (OR AT LEAST MAKE YOU SAD!)? I need to name ten? I think I remember being very depressed by The Ordeal of Dr. Mudd when I was a little boy, especially when the prison guard broke some meaningful trinket of Mudd’s. I won’t list any others, lest my enemies use them against me.

76. WOULD YOU RATHER RAISE 25 CHILDREN OR HAVE THE CHANCE OF EVER HAVING CHILDREN TAKEN AWAY? WHY? I’d rather raise 25 children because I know how to delegate authority.

77. WOULD YOU RATHER GO ON A RELAXING BEACH TYPE HOLIDAY TO THE CARIBBEAN, A CULTURAL HOLIDAY TO JAPAN OR AN ADVENTURE PACKED HOLIDAY TO SOUTH AFRICA? Cultural holiday to Japan.

78. IF YOU WENT TO A DESERT ISLAND FOR JUST 6 MONTHS BUT COULD ONLY TAKE ONE ALBUM WITH YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU TAKE? Dark Side of the Moon. A facile but solid choice.

79. PUT THESE IN ORDER OF YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE GENRE TO LEAST: HORROR, ACTION, THRILLER, ADVENTURE, SUPERHERO, ROMANCE, DRAMA, COMEDY, MUSICAL AND DANCE? No.

80. WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE WE AS HUMAN BEINGS TAKE MOST FOR GRANTED IN THIS WORLD? Oxygen.

81. WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS? Classified.

82. WHAT IS YOUR MOST MARKED CHARACTERISTIC? Steven Wright thinks I’m low-key.

83. WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN YOURSELF? I don’t actually deplore anything about myself. I could probably be a little more patient with people.

84. ON WHAT OCCASION DO YOU LIE? Whenever I need to defeat an army of androids by gumming up their logic routines.

85. WHAT DO YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE? One of my fingers doesn’t bend properly. I think it looks strange.

86. WHICH WORDS OR PHRASES DO YOU MOST OVERUSE? “Essentially” and “generally”. It might be neat to make a world cloud for my entire blog and figure it out.

87. WHO IS THE GREATEST LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? If I answer this honestly, half the world’s women would cry out in despair and dash themselves on the rocks beneath the nearest cliffs, but not before leaving some really bad poetry behind. The other half would erupt in rapturous, riotous celebration that would spill into the world’s streets, overwhelm local law enforcement and kill hundreds of thousands, possibly millions, of innocent bystanders. They’d all have their reasons.

88. WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT? I won 25 consecutive games of paper football in seventh grade. It’s been downhill from there.

89. IF YOU WERE TO DIE AND COME BACK AS A PERSON OR THING, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE? It would be awesome. Reincarnation, proven? Awesome, I say.

90. HOW MANY POSTS DO YOU HAVE? If the counter on my blog’s dash is correct, then this is #596.